I should’ve made this post a long time ago.
When I was young, I called a few girls names. The most often name I used is the name of a female cow. I heard women say it. So, the weakest reasoning I thought was, ” I should say it too”. I even called one girl a b*tch and another a hoe. To this day I’m not proud of that.
During a dance when I was a teen, I danced with a girl, beautiful, light-skinned, thick and showing skin. I moved with her, dancing from behind, and my fingers played with her belly button. She didn’t like it, as she didn’t want me to touch her after the song was finished.
I yelled at a few women when I was in college and shortly afterwards.
To some, these are minor incidents, especially compared to sexual assault, rape and murder, NONE of which I’ve done and will NEVER do. You may say how I was just young with hormones surging, and me being a young, dumb male, it’s to be expected, and what I’ve done was nothing serious. Thankfully, I grew up and grew wiser to know that verbal assaults and unwanted touching are huge no-no’s and normalizing them may open a dam for more chaos to flow through.
For what I’ve done in the past, I am truly sorry. This isn’t one of those drawn-out, half-assed, phony-baloney apologies with no commitment to know better and do better. I work hard to wash away those elements of toxic masculinity and male entitlement and help raise awareness through my blog. I still have a long ways to go as I still hold resentment to the girls and women who played and teased me.
Two young women, one from high school and the other from college, used me for money. I got teased back then in a way that I thought people were crushing on me. Then, there’s the ones who stood me up numerous times for whatever reason.
Man, I was bitter as hell. I would’ve turned into a black man going his own way or a black incel had I not started waking up a little bit at a time after learning about the adversities women, especially black women face. Yes, the pain is still there, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let it turn me into a hyper-misogynistic, fragile male pig. I may have a lot of emotional pain, but I also have too much love in my heart to resort to extreme hate.
Witnessing the surge of women standing up against physical and sexual violence against them helped me become more aware and introspective particularly with regards to how I’ve treated black women during my time.
The recent docuseries Surviving R. Kelly reignited the cause to save black women from sick predators within the African American community, even the ones living off of undeserved fame and fortune, and probably woke people up to value the lives of black women more and not coddle and protect black male men who prey upon them as a false sense of black unity. And watching the series helped convinced me more of how odious black women are treated in this country.
I’m not perfect. I’ve made some mistakes. And I don’t care if this damages my rep, that is if I had one. Again, I apologize infinity for what I’ve done, and will work hard to do better for myself and my people.