I’ve Done Some Things: Coming To Terms With Past Mistakes

I should’ve made this post a long time ago.

When I was young, I called a few girls names. The most often name I used is the name of a female cow. I heard women say it. So, the weakest reasoning I thought was, ” I should say it too”. I even called one girl a b*tch and another a hoe. To this day I’m not proud of that.

There’s more.

During a dance when I was a teen, I danced with a girl, beautiful, light-skinned, thick and showing skin. I moved with her, dancing from behind, and my fingers played with her belly button. She didn’t like it, as she didn’t want me to touch her after the song was finished.

I yelled at a few women when I was in college and shortly afterwards.

To some, these are minor incidents, especially compared to sexual assault, rape and murder, NONE of which I’ve done and will NEVER do. You may say how I was just young with hormones surging, and me being a young, dumb male, it’s to be expected, and what I’ve done was nothing serious. Thankfully, I grew up and grew wiser to know that verbal assaults and unwanted touching are huge no-no’s and normalizing them may open a dam for more chaos to flow through.

For what I’ve done in the past, I am truly sorry. This isn’t one of those drawn-out, half-assed, phony-baloney apologies with no commitment to know better and do better. I work hard to wash away those elements of toxic masculinity and male entitlement and help raise awareness through my blog. I still have a long ways to go as I still hold resentment to the girls and women who played and teased me.

Two young women, one from high school and the other from college, used me for money. I got teased back then in a way that I thought people were crushing on me. Then, there’s the ones who stood me up numerous times for whatever reason.

Man, I was bitter as hell. I would’ve turned into a black man going his own way or a black incel had I not started waking up a little bit at a time after learning about the adversities women, especially black women face. Yes, the pain is still there, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let it turn me into a hyper-misogynistic, fragile male pig. I may have a lot of emotional pain, but I also have too much love in my heart to resort to extreme hate.

Witnessing the surge of women standing up against physical and sexual violence against them helped me become more aware and introspective particularly with regards to how I’ve treated black women during my time.

The recent docuseries Surviving R. Kelly reignited the cause to save black women from sick predators within the African American community, even the ones living off of undeserved fame and fortune, and probably woke people up to value the lives of black women more and not coddle and protect black male men who prey upon them as a false sense of black unity. And watching the series helped convinced me more of how odious black women are treated in this country.

I’m not perfect. I’ve made some mistakes. And I don’t care if this damages my rep, that is if I had one. Again, I apologize infinity for what I’ve done, and will work hard to do better for myself and my people.

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7 thoughts on “I’ve Done Some Things: Coming To Terms With Past Mistakes

  1. It takes a big man to admit past mistakes. We all have made some mistakes,for some people..worse than others. Though I’m not proud of it,it is what it is and learn from them.

    I also regret listening to any of R.Kellys cap music. Man..I didn’t realize how sick and diabolical this guy really is. I also don’t get his supporters out there threatening the Savage family for wanting their daughter back.

    There are people who have already judged the women on stage with him on that TMZ clip not believing that he is possibly victimzing them. Here is what people don’t get about sexual/ abuse: seeing is not always believing. Abuse ..of any kind is not always visible.

    I had a friend who was sexually abused ..sadly her dad and stepdad. She reminded me of a blond Scarlett Johansson, looked great and came from an upper crust family . If she wouldn’t have told me and another girl about her crisis,I would have never known about her abuse. I knew something was odd about her when she expressed a hate for White men, her White mom and didn’t want to have anything to do with White people whatsoever. She didn’t want to consider herself to be the Swedish American girl she was back then. Call her Black or some other minority but it made her angry if you called her White.

    A Black fetish like the Kardashian sisters ? Nope, I think that the abuse she endured from her folks and her mom ..she said..doing nothing about it devastated her. She was also sent to foster care. An old high school teacher I met nearly 15 years ago,said she seen her. I admit, I was thinking that my friend was going through a phase, will reclaim her White roots and go back to her upper middle class upbringing. According to my former teacher,she told her that she lives in a nice African American neighborhood, with her Black hubby and her Black kids. She’s 50.and still think lowly of her own community. Some people thought she had it made..if they only knew.

    Even more disturbing thing about such ignorance is that it hurt Black women the hardest. Society already think that Black women are unthinkable sexual fiends who nobody will believe and it really don’t help the Black community by supporting a guy who is raping our community? I’m embarrassed and disgusted by them.

    1. Its for the reason you gave above that I never make assumptions on how good somebody’s life is based on their appearance. I have met women who have undergone horrific abuse, who look like supermodels, and look like they have their whole lives put together.

      You cannot tell just be looking at someone what they’re going through, and in many cases, the people blaming these victims have never even seen these women. How the hell do they know anything about their lives based on a handful of statements about what happened to them? Its ridiculous.

      1. With this case of R.Kelly..people are already throwing their towels at the women at his concert because they were ” doing their thing” at the concert and it’s scary because society often leap before they look.
        I just hope that their kids won’t be victimized by such evil. In case it does, hopefully it will help them change their minds in a hurry.

  2. May you continue to grow and evolve. And my prayer is that the scales fall off the eyes of black men to see that abuse of any kind toward black women and young girls is wrong. I hope that there are programs to teach young black boys how to treat young black girls and women. I applaud you dear Wolf. Keep speaking your truth.

  3. America is a society that doesn’t know how to own their shit and apologize. This country was built on non -apology. White men came to this country and took the land from Native Americans and committed genocide and created a holiday. They still haven’t apologized. White men went to Africa and knew stole Africans from Africa and placed them in the hulls of slave ships. And enslaved black Americans who labored through oppression and blood, sweat and tears to build this country. Still no apology from white Americans. This is the land of sorry not sorry.

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