By Lavern Merriweather:
David Spade is not one of my favorite people. His smarmy, bratty, jealous, annoying banter coupled with a ‘too cool for school’ attitude makes me find him thoroughly unlikable, as does his being yet another hopelessly hipster racist asswipe.
In his new memoir titled “Almost Interesting” (more like “Almost Semi-Famous For Being a Complete Douche), he whines like a 6 year-old about his supposed feud with fellow SNL alum Eddie Murphy. In the book, Spade talks of making a rather snide joke at Eddie’s expense and him being angry about it. The joke was Spade showing a picture of Eddie, then saying “look kids, a falling star. Make a wish”. Afterwards, he said that Eddie left a profanity laced message telling him what’s what, that he was a major component of the show once upon a time and that he didn’t appreciate them allowing him to be fodder.
I have to agree 100% with Eddie. He basically saved that horrible piece of humongous cow dung, and this is the thanks he gets? The powers that be on SNL treated Eddie like crap when he first joined the show, yet had the nerve of nerve to use reruns for two years of him on the show when he had already left. Spade claimed that he wanted to call Murphy to smooth things over, because he felt bad for upsetting Eddie like that.
Spade says that he then got so-called friend and cast member Chris Rock involved. I guess his go-to black liaison or something. In any case, what the hell! So because this snot-nosed, woefully unfunny little prick gets Eddie pissed off, it’s up to Chris to do some black-speak damage control? Not only does that sound like Spade is a complete punkass but a pathetic racist dickbag to boot. If he wanted to say something to Eddie man to man, then be a MAN and step to him on your own, instead of recreating some cheesy, insulting, ridiculous ripoff of the “Airplane” movie scene. (The one where former “Beaver” mom Barbara Billingsley informs the white female stewardess that she speaks jive so she can translate to the black male passenger who is sick what is being said.) As offensive as some folks found that part, it was still just a film not real life.
Apparently that asshole Spade truly believes that he needs a ‘Negro dialect coach’ to do all his talking for him. I just don’t get why he felt the incessant need to get Chris Rock on board. I mean seriously, it’s your mess David. Clean it up on your own. Or perhaps he actually believed house nigger Rock when he joked that it might not be very safe to confront Murphy face to face because they were going to be an the same event at the same time. Oh hardy, har, har. Goofy-ass Rock really needs to sit his stupid, tired, worthless ass down somewhere! Honestly, between the two, I don’t know who the bigger cuntbag is in this situation. My money is on Spade, who has since used his promotion of the book tour as a chance to squeal in agony about how terrified he was of the big scary black male.
While Eddie has probably long since moved on from this, Spade wants to rehash old mess to make himself relevant and hopefully get book sales. He obviously can’t do it without whining like a little bitch about Eddie, otherwise he wouldn’t keep mentioning it. There were several wiseasses on a website criticizing Eddie for having too big an ego and saying he has made some clunkers. So he has no reason to be mad. That may very well be the case, but those people should remember that Spade is the one who starred in such gems as “Joe Dirt”, “Dickie Roberts: Child Star”, “Tommy Boy” and “Black Sheep”. Not exactly Oscar worthy caliber films. Hell, I wouldn’t even rent any of that shit for 50 cents on Netflix.
Bottom line, Spade is not one to talk about the failings of somebody else’s movie career, especially someone that singlehandedly brought his old TV show from the brink of cancellation. However, what strikes me is the way Spade is expecting sympathy, because some overly arrogant Negro didn’t roll over and beg when he took a cheap shot at him. Eddie was wrong when he exclaimed in his 80’s hit “48 Hours” that a n*gger with a badge was a white guy’s worst nightmare. It seems that being a Negro with more talent, money and prestige really is.