Vern’s Venting: Say, Brother

By Lavern Merriweather:

Lately it seems that there is a serious amount of animosity between black men and black women. Don’t get me wrong; we as a people, like every other group, have our issues with gender. As much as we need and want to embrace each other, there is also the need to express our dislikes and disappointments even when we aren’t always at fault for what’s pissing the other group off.

A number of black women who have their own blogs on the internet are complaining about the multiple shootings of black men by cops. They aren’t just speaking out about how disgraceful and wrong it is but that they feel slighted when it comes to concern for black female lives also. Granted, I can understand their frustrations. However, that’s not really the fault of black males. It’s the fault of the very media that rarely gets called to the carpet by said women. It may be easier to vent at ourselves rather than the dominant society.

But methinks that’s a huge mistake. We shouldn’t be bickering at one another about whose life matters more, or who has it worse. That’s another thing black people appear to enjoy doing a lot these days. There is a considerable back-and-forth attempt to one-up the other side as if neither side even remotely gets the many painful struggles we have all been through regardless of gender.

Speaking of which, I don’t believe it helps matters when some black women chose to find allies in the gay and feminist communities. Those organizations have their own agenda that often times only includes black females when it suits them. There is also the matter of several black women in the media that side with the white led media to demonize black males in high profile cases all while decrying the deaths of young black males at the hands of police. This is a classic example of trying to have it both ways which has obviously led to negative repercussions. That’s not to say that black males are free of creating any hostility themselves. Not at all. Particularly if you happen to visit a website called “Hollaback” that shows videos of women dealing with street harassment. The white couple that started the website has since apologized and promised to make their criticisms more fair and diverse in the future. Still that doesn’t exonerate the black males who get their jollies making stupid, crass and very sleazy comments to women. Often times it’s mostly black women, because we still live in an environment where black males shouldn’t dare feel free enough to invade a white woman’s space.

Don’t get it twisted either, the perversion spewing from the mouths of these idiots isn’t about empowering the woman they are pestering. It’s about them feeling better for themselves because they degraded someone else, a person weaker or deemed less than. That’s a problem in the black community black men are responsible for and do need to fix. Yet, that still doesn’t justify the black women in the public eye who hurry to jump on bandwagons of white males meant to paint every black man with the same brush of lewdness. Not all black men are rapists any more than all white males are pedophiles or thugs who will shoot and kill people in a movie theater.

Then, there is the matter of having babies out of wedlock with multiple partners. Both sides are guilty of that behavior yet to hear either side tell it it’s a pattern of foolish actions committed solely by the other gender. Black women like to whine that there are no good brothers out there and the over-abundance of baby’s daddies. While black men love to point to that travesty “The Maury Povich Show” saying that black women have sex with so many men they don’t know who the damn daddy is anyway. Funny how we site examples of moronic conduct from the show of a white male, more of the same pitting ourselves against each other for white people’s entertainment. It’s like we have become the modern day equivalent of the Mandingo fights from slavery days. Only now instead of balling up our hands, we attack one another with words and opinions.

Yes, black men and women do stupid, ridiculous and destructive shit that gets on each other’s nerves with good reason. However, that’s no excuse to constantly air our grievances among a bunch of self-righteous assholes who don’t truly give a rat’s ass about us to begin with. Let’s face it. The outcry of sympathy, if you can even call it that, for pop star Rhianna was fake as was the outcry for Janay Rice, particularly when you consider that there have been countless opportunities for those same folks to show compassion when the perpetrator was a white male. Where are all the feminist institutions speaking out for Sandra Bland or Marlene Pinnock? They rushed with a jet pack on their back to condemn NFL commissioner Roger Goddell when this was Ray Rice. But they have yet to utter a peep about the same killings of black women that the black females on the blogs are bitching about getting ignored. So their idea of a solution is to somehow rely on the very same heffas that care about them only when they feel damn good and ready to?

They might also want to remember that when black women were being beat down by cops it was black men protecting them, not Gloria Steinem, Betty Freidan or Bella Azbug. And black men might want to remind themselves that when they were getting their ass handed to them or are dying by cops it won’t be those white women that you chase after healing your wounds.

My post isn’t meant to be some Pollyanna plea that we come together and finally put aside our differences. Men and women despite their race will never see eye to eye with each other, there will forever be conflict. What I am saying, however, is that before we hurry for comfort and allegiance with those who aren’t our actual friends, we should at least try to resolve the issues between us by ourselves first.


10 thoughts on “Vern’s Venting: Say, Brother

  1. Yep! Always question a person’s motives. Especially if they are White. What are they getting out of supporting you ,especially if they don’t support others? What are their goals? What are they trying to accomplish? To feel good about themselves? To bash Black men? Black women?
    There’s a certain class of White person who will take any and every opportunity to tell Black people they’re doing something wrong, and we need to keep that in our minds when engaging with them. Are we helping them or helping ourselves?

  2. You see a lot of this on youtube with black men trying to give advice to black women about this and that. My point is a black man should never hit a black woman over something that she said.

    Why ? Because we don’t hit the people we take sh*t from everyday and plus you will get embarassed because the cops will come round and say

    “Whats going on here then ?”

    And that’s when every black men I’ve ever seen gets real quiet.

    The cop is in the house clowning the black man, barking orders and the brothers thinking

    *Well, you know, if this was man on man and he didnt have that badge and gun. I’d show him a thing or two !!”

    (*If* we can be the biggest *If* people in the world)

    And the cops says “(lol) Yeah I know that. That’s why I come prepared. I come to tame you. Now if you want to take on a real man. Try me. And if you’re brave and you’ve got some guns in the back. I’ll radio for back up and I think we can handle that too. So what you gonna do ?”

    I’ve seen this a MILLION times. Now sure, if a woman comes at you with a knife, then yeah, you gotta take action, but flipping out over something a woman says ?

    Because if we not prepared to take on the WHOLE WORLD, then we should not come back to that one place and flip out over something a woman’s says.

    We need to stop that nonsense, right now because the same dog that bites black men, bites black women too.

  3. The brilliance of Mama Vern shines again! I’m sick of the hypocrisy of the dominant regarding Blacks and Black relationships. I agree with Ikeke35 that we need to question the motivation of nonblack people because their house isn’t in order when it comes to gender roles, class, behavior, their treatment of women and children. I cringe, really cringe to the point of biting my teeth regarding the arrogant self-righteousness of white folk judging us Black folk by our behavior and how we treat the opposite sex. Remember, white men and women shoot up schools, movie theaters, workplaces, they engage in pedophilia(think Jared and that Duggar guy), commit violence against women and children, etc, and yet they have the audacity to judge Bill Cosby, Kanye West, Ray Rice, etc, for their poor behavior.

    Once again, Vern, brilliant and analytic post. Thank you.


  4. Oh, and another thing, the fake concern of Black women and children gets under my skin because historically, nonblack, esp. white folk never ever give a darn about Black women and children. They kill and rape us for hundreds of years, created and promote sterotypes and harmful myths about us, then turn their hypocritical heads around and tell us Sistas that our Brothas are the enemy. Black men have for the most part defended us Sistas and children. And, no, I’m not falling for the enemy’s propaganda regarding Black men, women and children. That’s classic divide and conquer ideology/practice of the dominant group.


    1. Exactly! That’s why I was so pissed about the media attacking Adrian Peterson and telling us how we should discipline our kids. Nobody said a damn thing about Honey Boo Boo’s mom dating a pedophile who molested one of her own daughters.

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