Vern’s Venting: Divide and Conquer

NOTE: I admit that I had reservations about posting this article. However, Ms. Merriweather has a right to express her thoughts and opinions, and she has been very honest about what she says. So, as always, comment below.

By Lavern Merriweather:

There seems to be a growing and serious divide among black men and women. Not to say that black males and females have always gotten along, but these days it seems to be getting worse.

Many black women columnists and bloggers on the internet are expressing their disgust about the so-called Ray Rice scandal and how it is being handled by NFL commissioner Roger Goddell. While I agree that what Rice did was abhorrent, I also feel that there is a lot of fake self-serving grandstanding being used for selfish purposes. If there is one thing I can’t stand it’s a hypocrite, especially one who is very glaring obvious with their inconsistency, then acts as if nobody else is going to notice.

Several black females have weighed in, and even though I can understand their anger, I have a problem with the motivation behind it. I have written many critical emails to some black women in the blogworld questioning how they can one minute decry the deaths of young black males like Trayvon Martin and Mike Brown then freely engage white males in their blatantly racist double standards towards black male celebrities. When you claim continuously that your outrage is being fueled by a despicable act, then shouldn’t you be disgusted with ANY male that commits it?

Black women are many times just as silent as white men when it comes to domestic violence from white male celebrities. Hell, they are silent for any criminal accusation directed towards a white male that’s famous. This leads me to believe that you are more concerned with getting your licks in on black men than actually giving a shit about the issue itself. If that’s not the case, then you should either attack all the guilty parties or fess up and say “Yes, I only want to demonize certain people,” since that is clearly what you are doing anyway. Either come right out and admit that this is a personal issue between just you and black males. Or stop pretending that it’s about the issue of violence towards women when you are selective in your vilification.

I heard very little if any outcry from black women on the internet about the appalling assault on grandmother Marlene Pinnock. Marlene is the black female pedestrian that was savagely beaten by a white male cop in California for – what I could see – was doing nothing more than crossing the street. Blow after blow was rained on Ms. Pinnock’s head by this thug. Still, black women have yet to unleash a derogatory rant on the white male responsible. And before anyone complains that some black women did respond, please email me those posts, because I have yet to see one. Trust me when I say I did look for them, but I never found one.

Not only that, black women on the web decry of this so-called ‘black male privilege’ without ever mentioning how extremely limited it is or ever speak of their own. Black female intellectuals that speak out about the daily luxuries afforded to black men seem to be forgetting about their own. By that, I mean precisely the one that allows them via a computer keyboard to denounce behavior not exclusive to black men as if it were.

Last time I checked, domestic violence cut across every line, be it racial, social, economical and yes even gender. Yet to hear black women tell it, Becky, as she is known, can fend for her damn self when it comes to dealing with an abusive white male, especially one that is well known and beloved by an easily influenced public. It appears that there are some boats black women are not willing to rock.

Another thing that bothers me about all the pious blither blather is when black women speak so dismayed about the issue of facing both racism and sexism. That’s funny, because they don’t ever bring up the fact that it often times comes from the very SAME person! If you think for one second some of that the racism you experience from white males isn’t infused just as much with your predisposed gender, then I have a huge statue that sits on Ellis Island to sell you.

I’m also very troubled by the latest trend of black women demanding that black females who are killed by police in America get as much attention as the Sean Bells and Mike Browns of the world. I must be missing something when the fuck did this become competition? Now, we need a scoring chart to see who life has more value? What a damn crock! I don’t disagree that black women should get equal time too, but to make it a problem that exists between the sexes is foolish and pure bunk. If black women feel so slighted, then why aren’t YOU speaking out on the deaths of black women at the hands of cops who in all likelihood were white, rather than jumping on bandwagons that you are fully aware come from a place of pseudo outrage born out of white male arrogance?

Black women that are currently siding with their white male brethren on the Ray Rice situation could just as easily spend some of that time calling out their white colleagues for ignoring the plight of Ms. Pinnock or any black women for that matter. In case they haven’t noticed, the very people they are so pissed at for not discussing the deaths of young black women are the very white males now fawning over Ray’s wife Janay, as they make a mockery of the all too real problem of spousal abuse.

Brotha himself has discussed at length his disappointment in his fellow black males for how they treat black women, as well as apologized for his what he feels is a privilege that he can enjoy while black women cannot. Although I don’t disagree, I feel that black women, if they truly mean what they say, should also acknowledge the part they play in tearing down the black males that they claim, at certain times, to be defending. That also goes for this supposed irritation at Becky, but standing side by side with white female feminuts when they target black men in the most racist and sickening way.

The call for respect needs to be expressed by both sides, not just one, and black women need to put much of their money where their mouth is. This constantly trying to have it both ways leads the conversation in way too many directions.

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11 thoughts on “Vern’s Venting: Divide and Conquer

  1. Every male should be paying attention to the opinion of females when it comes to domestic violence. My father taught us never to hit a woman. He taught us that before he lost our mother the woman he loved and never got over losing. He was unable to use any self control and hit the one he loved. I was 9 at the time and in the room when he did it. That was the last day my mother had anything to do with him; try as he did to win her back.
    I was able to remember that and have and will never hit a woman. Although my first wife attempted to beat me up; she a 5′ 2″ 125. I could only restrain her and put her on the couch asking her not to hit me. Many women are not aware that when a man finds himself unable to get himself understood by his “BETTER” HALF he is prone to walk away. In fact all therapist will tell men should they find themselves in that situation to walk away and go by themselves an ice cream as a reward for not escalating it to a physical confrontation. It is better to excuse yourself and come back when you (the male) can remain calm while your loved one tells you what she is upset with you and hopefully regain the love and trust a couple should have in a marriage.

    1. I agree with that I also feel that a woman shouldn’t do stupid obnoxious things to push a man to his point. And I agree about domestic violence but there has been a lot of double standards when it comes to black men especially ones that are famous.

  2. I, thank you Ms. Lavern for telling the truth. Where is the outrage when white police officers beat and rape black women, and murder black children? Charlie Sheen is up to his old crackhead tricks, allegedly. Any feminist comment on that pos, yet? I think not. I have yet to see any feminist stand with black women or men for that matter on any of the myriad of cases that are currently being hyped by the media. So, it’s okay for the officer in California to beat that black woman for crossing the street, or the officer in Ok that raped 8 black women, but big bad Ray Rice is the object of your gaze. I am not now nor never will be a feminist, because feminism is not about you or me as black women. My mother had to work, my grandmother had to work, her mother had to work and before that we were slaves. White feminism is about white women wanting their cake and eating it too. “Protect me, I’m weak, but not so much that I can’t have control.” I call BULLSHIT.

  3. Agreed. The discussion surrounding “black male privilege” sounds like the racer who finished last in the competition telling the racer who finished in 2nd to last how great they have it in comparison. Yes black male privilege is real but it’s far from this omnipotent supernatural ability that gives us our every desire the misandrists who moonlight as black feminists try to portray it as. If it were then why the hell would black men & by extension the black race collectively be at the bottom of the barrel out of all peoples in the entire world? Just about every black male privilege is the same as general male privilege so why go so far out of their way to spotlight in when we already know it exists for men as a whole? Once these questions get asked is when you start to hear crickets from the same so-called feminists who were quiet just minutes earlier.

    These people are doing nothing but judging black men by our worst who comprise a minority while ignoring our best who make up the majority. For every 1 black man that beats, rapes, kills, verbally abuses or degrades a woman their are 100 who would go to war and kill, see the Watts Riots if you need proof. They seem to forget that many black men have killed or died themselves defending the life of a black women or girl, yet you can’t think of many anecdotes of the opposite happening. It doesn’t mean black women are less loyal, it just means we both serve different roles. Protection is one that’s tasked to black men and though we may not be perfect there’s very little someone could do to infuriate a man the way messing with a woman he loves will.

    The constant talk of lack of coverage on black female murders and rapes as if its some sort of contest as Lavern noted is particularly disgusting. Don’t these women realize the reason black men are killed so often by cops and vigilantes is because theirs a stereotype that we’re all savage brutes who can’t control ourselves thus putting an unofficial bounty on our heads? Its a package deal, you want so-called equal coverage you get equal stereotyping and fear from everyone around you including those in your own community, see how much they like everyone getting off the elevator the moment you get on, crossing to the other side of the street & clutching purses on planes ( yes, I’m really going to snatch a purse and run around a plane thousands of miles in the air with it, right)

    Once as many black women get killed there will be equal coverage but considering the fanaticism of these women I don’t think much of anything would satisfy them. All they want to do is scapegoat black men for the issues of the black community while kissing the asses of white men and promoting interracial nonsense ignoring the fact that white men were the ones who created systemic sexism AND white privilege which makes them the prime benefactors of the two systems black feminists claim to hate the most. Yet somehow its still black mens fault, if you handed these women the Earth itself the only response they would have is “you forgot the Sun & the Moon” which is why I give no credence to what they say or do and no one else should either.

  4. I agree with Lavern on this 1. It’s always the woman of color that has more privilege than the man of color. The woman is seen as docile and less intimidating. You take me and my 270lb frame walking my kid along most of my neighborhood people are always suspicious and fearful. My gf walking my child does quite provoke the same amount of scrutiny.

  5. It’s kinda lame seeing bwwm and bmww use bad events as propaganda to gain more fans. Can we agree to end abuse and people messing with children without groups jumping for a chance for privilege pie. Those interracial groupies felt mad and disappointed about ray rice’s wife sticking by his side. That why nobody remain silence as a doorknob in bringing interracial. The groupie love to throw stereotype on black love is dangerous and unhealthy. While ww cheer to become the next or try to become the backbone

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