Open Letter To D.L. Hughley (From a Black Man)

Dear Mr. Hughley,

I know you’re probably busy. So’m I’m just going to cut straight to the chase.

I too have heard about the recent alleged erratic and violent behavior of former Scandal actor Columbus Short. It is indeed a saddening and disappointing revelation of a promising actor on a popular drama. As you may know, there are very few positive images of black people in the media. Hopefully, the series story writers will find another positive black male character played by a positive black male actor. And I hope Short gets some kind of help.

But I digress. The main reason for this letter is to respectfully express my dismay over the misogynistic comments you made concerning Short’s wife Tanee McCall during your radio show. I caught wind of this at XOJane:

“I think that broad shouldn’t be telling all his business if she gone take him to court…This bitch was thirsty. The bitch was thirsty. What, she gone go back to dancing? She gone fuck her money up?…“When you’re very young, you’re very volatile. I’ve been in situations where the police were called. I don’t believe that every time someone says something in the heat of anger, they actually mean it. Everybody want a thug dude, a passionate dude, until you gotta live with your mother in an undisclosed location. You know what kind of dude you picked. Stop it.”

During your banter, a female co-host, Jasmine Sanders, wanted to bring some realness into the conversation, but it is reported that tried to silence her and play the victim. You even tried to shift blame back to the woman by using the “everybody want a thug” derailment. And when Sanders tried to tell you how that’s not the case, you called her dumb!

After reading that, and more, I got offended and embarrassed. But most of all, I got upset. Even though you apologized, I still feel the need to say something as a black man who witnessed domestic violence in my own neck of the woods.

Watching a woman in danger at the hands of her husband, boyfriend or even a family member, friend or total stranger first hand is not a laughing matter. It’s as painful to watch as it is for her to suffer. I will not portray myself as a knight in shining armor, but I have stepped in and defended the women who were victimized, even at risk to my own safety.

Mr. Hughley, it has been noted that you called black women “the angriest women on Earth“:

“I’ve never met an angrier group of people. Like black women are angry just in general. Angry all the time. My assessment, out of, just in my judgment, you either are in charge or they’re in charge, so there’s no kind of day that you get to rest…”

What I don’t understand is how can you make such a statement when you are married to a black woman and have two daughters and a son. Yet, you want to defend a man who allegedly abused his wife to the point where he threatened to kill her and himself? Though, one shouldn’t be too surprised hearing such statements from someone who defended Don Imus’ “nappy headed hos” comment several years back. (I’m sorry. I had to go there.)

Mr. Hughley, I’m doing my best to keep my anger in check, but it’s incredibly difficult seeing a black man who practically placed black women on the chopping block due to his anti-female animosity. Words can not express the depth of shame I have for your comments and overall sexist and misogynistic mindframe, the same mindframe too many black men have that are synonymous with that of racist white folks.

Black men are drowning in a pool of privileges he have because of our genitalia, and we use it against the women who have stuck by us since day one. Too many of us see black women as the enemy while at the same time, we see the oppressor, especially his women, as our friends and saviors. And what’s worse, there are black women and children who have adapted such thinking.

Let me ask you this; if black women are indeed the angriest on Earth, why do you think that is? Could it be that the world is practically against their right to exist as human beings and that members of their own community have allied with the world’s hatred of them? Could it be that for so long they’ve stuck by us, and we turn a blind eye to their problems, especially if their problems are black men who beat, rape and kill black women, and we’re too cowardly to confront this bullshit because we don’t like to have our dirty laundry aired and our images tarnished? Could it be that too many of us use them as sex objects showing off our prowess of being playas, but will run like cowards when a life is created and seek another to repeat the cycle? Could it be that some of us choose white women over them because we think they’re, in so many words, better than black women because we’re too fragile to stay strong with black women who are in the same damn boat as we are, and have loved us and been there with us in our struggles?

I think it’s time we, as black men, stepped up. And I think it’s time black folks, including those in the entertainment and sports industries, start addressing the problem. And Mr. Hughley, if you are reading this, I hope that you will be the one to get things started. I know we all make mistakes, but the point of making them is to learn from them. Our sistas are crying out for love and respect from our brothas. What harm could it do to listen?

If we, as a people, are to survive and empower ourselves, we must cure our illnesses.

Sincerely,

Bro. James Wolf.

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69 thoughts on “Open Letter To D.L. Hughley (From a Black Man)

  1. @Brothawolf, we’ve gotten into a HUGE disagreement on the bad behavior of “SOME” black women. I realize most people only hear what they ONLY wanna hear, I never lump a few individuals into making a general case for describing an entire group. Society as a whole is becoming more self and mean spirited but I’ve noticed within the last 30 yrs MANY black women attitudes have become so materialist, so anti relationship anti LOVE based monogamous relationships. Now once again!! Society as a WHOLE has fallen into this ME ME attitude! but I’m focussing on SOME black women! if you want “BLING” then stop selling yourself to some knuckle head MALE trying to get financial gain!! because anyone with common sense knows you don’t get anything for FREE! even the dumbest MALE that basically PAYS a woman to be with him is going to want SOMETHING in return!! I just can’t believe so MANY women black and white put themselves in such a filthy position!! I love women, I just don’t like hustlers! I don’t like people who pretended to be one thing but in reality are something totally different!! BTW, if you real wanna talk about the flip side?? MANY black men aren’t a fraction of what we were 30 yrs go either!!! having five plus kids with five plus different mothers and not paying ANY child support isn’t being a MAN! it’s being irresponsible and PATHETIC!! now behold! read all the comments about my post using their selective hearing devices on! WATCH

    1. I really don’t know where you’re going with this, but the point of my article is to address the problem with domestic violence in the black community. Like sexual assault and rape, the community is silent when it’s intra-racial. I suspect it’s the same in any other community aside from our own. Still, as members, the problem must be addressed.

      1. I’m with you Brothawolf.

        What does this post have to do with the falsehood of “materlistic” Black women?

        For anyone who wants TRUTH, the average wealth of Black women in the U.S. is 100 dollars, while that of a white female is 43,000. Yet SOMEHOW we are accused of perpetuating some fantasy “blinged out” lifestyle? Black women in this country–even those who have a higher salary simply are stuck paying rent, earning less than our white female counterparts in the same professions even though we may have better credentials. Simply put, Black women don’t have the means as a general group to be materialistic!
        Therefore, this complaint is just a myth rather than actual problem.

        It is really telling when a Black person says that Black women have become “anti-relationship” when it is Black men who are more likely than Black women to never marry over a lifetime. As for “anti-love” that is truly subjective and problematic especially when the word “love” and concept of “romance”, and “courtship” are ALL white, and European in their definitions and cultural origins.

        The real issue is a bigger problem which many Blacks both male and female refuse to wrestle with even though it is the 400 pound elephant in the room.

    2. Violence is an epidemic in all communities. Just way too many people don’t know how to go about life in a humble and considerate manner. Too much desiring things in life without knowing what it’s constructed of.

  2. * standing ovation*

    That was excellent, and long overdue, Brothawolf! I posted that video by Geeweev about “bed wenches” and “buck studs” because he’s saying a lot of what you’re saying. Prince Solomon can be added to the coterie of Black men who are sick of other Black men slamming Black women:

      1. @ Mary:

        Thank you so much. You — and everyone else on here — brings a lot to this forum, which is one of the reasons why I enjoy coming here all the time. I am learning a lot. People bringing different perspectives (through videos, articles, anecdotes, etc.) is helping me to grow a lot as a person, and I am sure it is helping everyone else as well, because we are mature enough to realize that we need others’ perspectives in order to see events more clearly. Again, thank you so much!

  3. I am so glad that this post is written. I have went through a lot with so called ”African American” men who called me ugly for my dark skin and strong Negro features and teasing me. It really got out of hand for me too. Honestly I have decided that I don’t want to deal with these men romantically or sexually. I think I am better off not ever dating one.

    I don’t hate them but I have been through too many traumatizing experiences of them to actually date a Black American male.

    1. This so thoroughly saddens me and couple that with the statements from the man upthread about how bad black women are, its just depressing. When white people say such insulting things I take it as it is. Its just incredibly hurtful to hear it coming from black men, when I know me and know I’m not like that and don’t know any sisters like that. (But then the women I know don’t spend their whole life in the club.)

      And you probably aren’t like that either except you’ve been disrespected and ignored so often that you have every right to be angry. That you aren’t is a testament to your character. A character that some black men will never know bc they’re so busy chasing after the neighborhood ” video vixen “. Ironically these are the same men decrying the lack of character and the anger of black women. It doesn’t seem to occur to them that perhaps THEY are simply choosing the wrong type of women to chase after. There are some wonderful, beautiful sisters out there that don’t fit any of the stereotypes mentioned upthread. I would have to ask such “angry ” men, where are they doing all their looking? What are their standards? What do they want in a woman? They certainly seem to be well aware of what they don’t want, though.

    2. then date a black Canadian or a Caribbean man, or even an African we love out black women natural and strong

  4. DL Hughley is an assclown. He is the father of daughters and i wonder how he would feel if some one called his daughters the names that he calls black women? He is a misogynist pig.

  5. Very nice, sir. But it ain’t happening. Hughley is a pawn to the Illuminati and as long the money keeps coming in, he’ll say whatever “they” want him to.

    Tommy Sotomayor anyone?

      1. Please do! He slammed Karyn Washington after her death! He needs to be called out!

    1. diaryofanegress, hi,

      I’ve been following your blog for sometime along with SlayingEvil and Kushite prince, I’m an aspiring writer into sci-fi and urban fantasy, many of the themes I deal with are basically afro-centric and most of my characters are people of colour, from negroes to non-negroes like indians, native american, latino etc. basically non-whites, so the point is, do you know anywhere I can post my stories? like a forum for black writers?

      I know this is completely off-topic but I just needed to get your attention

  6. ..Slow-clap leading up to a crescendo for this poignant and honest post, Brothawolf! I don’t usually talk about this much with anyone, but as a woman who has dealt with both racism, sexism, etc. and domestic violence I just wanted to thank you for writing about a topic that is near and dear to me (and I’m sure countless others). D.L. is one so-called comic that I have stopped watching ages ago (he seemed to go from telling jokes to being mean and bitter), and after this article it makes me happy that his career is not being supported by the likes of me. I went through that ordeal once (and don’t ever plan on goin’ through it again-not that it was planned in the 1rst place!), yet what stuck with me most was not only the threats and physical attacks, but also how at the time I did not initially call the popo’s because I am a woman of color, and he is a POC too (Mestizo)-thus making me feel conflicted about what to do, and suffering as a result of it. That is, until he really hurt me and I realized that he was serious about ending my life it I tried to leave him-and fortunately, I put my fear to the side and got his sorry azz locked up, and haven’t looked back since!!

    1. I honestly never liked his routine since his Comic View days.

      I’ve learned that sometimes isms crossover and sometimes they’re separate. Sexism and misogyny are two problems that the black community is not immune from. And they too are destroying it.

    2. Mz. Nikita:

      Thank you so much for telling your story. I’m glad that you got the courage to get out of that life-threatening situation and that had the a**hole locked up! Too many women in your situation are not as blessed as you are!

  7. I remember when Don Imus called that college basketball ream a bunch of “nappy-headed ho’s”. This fool went on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and agreed with Imus. I couldn’t believe he co-signed with that bigot! I was threw with him after that! I also heard that during the Kings of Comedy tour back in 2000,that he and Steve Hatvey were jealous of Bernie Mac(RIP). I heard that they were jealous that fans thought Bernie was the funniest and most talented out of the four. If you ever get a chance check out Bernie Mac’s funeral. I think it’s on Youtube. You have to see the fake tears from D.L. and Steve. These guys are nothing but two-faced cowards.I think they were happy he was gone.

    1. @ Kushite Prince:

      I don’t know if you’ve seen this video (since you have informed me that you subscribe to Prince Solomon’s videos), but he really calls out Steve Harvey as the Uncle Tom that he is!

  8. I am learning so much sexism and misogyny are huge this past week especially in the DL Hughley dust up and the Donald Sterling incident. Sterling is a racist and a sexist with a fetish for mix race women of color. Hughley made ugly remarks a couple of years ago about the Rutgers women’s basketball team, when Don Imus called them “Nappy headed hoes” and he was on some cable show I believe it was Bill Maher’s show running his stupid feces filled mouth. I remember watching “King’s of Comedy” he was not funny at least to me. And when he co-signed Don Imus I really disliked him. He is just a mean and a self-hating asshole.

  9. D.L. Hughley has been an unsophisticated fool for quite sometime, and it isn’t the first time he has openly degraded black women; remember the Imus incident where he openly agreed with Imus’s statement, and then as the result he landed himself on the Glenn Beck show appeasing the racist with the “It must be true because D.L. Hughley said so, and he’s black..” mentality. As the result, the racist gave him his “Unapologetic” show. At that time he didn’t even seem to care about the fact that he was utilized as a pawn for the racist agenda and to further divide the black community.

    I’m not trying to bash D.L., though I’ve never found him funny nor astute enough to deliver when he’s given the platform to discuss issues based on race, politics, and misogyny. The only way to resolve the problem with our black males and our black females, is to continue to call out the offender when there are attacks on one another; we are a family and the black male was designed to love guide and protect the black female, and vice versa..

    1. D.L. Hughley may be a comedian, but he’s not the best one to turn to for social issues. In this case, he’s not the one to discuss gender relations.

  10. I would like to take a women’s studies course and study things like gender and race politics. I have learned so much from bloggers like you Brotha Wolf and Sister Truth Be Told on “Diary of A Negress” and Abagond. So many things that i saw happening over the many years just didn’t know how to articulate what i was experiencing. You and the other bloggers helped me understand what the names of these things were. Thanks for being a great teacher.

  11. With all due respect Brothawolf in regards to domestic violence, 2 things come to mind.

    1. Domestic violence is the highest on a per capita basis by a fairly wide margin in LESBIAN relationships in comparison to heterosexual & gay male relationships. I’ve never seen any feminist (black or white) who speaks about domestic violence bring up the fact that the person most likely to beat a woman is another woman. When they leave this fact, not opinion out of the discussion, it makes their selective outrage in regards to DV look suspiciously like they’re trying to protect women and carry on the old feminist mantra of “lets blame men” for everything.

    2. The biggest studies on domestic violence show time and time again that DV is equal between the genders, yet men are constantly stereotyped as abusers, BM even worse. DV laws and procedures are biased because police departments get kickbacks from DV activist groups for every man they arrest and for a DV call even if both parties say they don’t want to press charges, legally someone has to be arrested. The superiors in police departments instruct their officers to arrest men based off of this monetary incentive leading to a huge inbalance in numbers thus skewing the reality of what’s going on. I have friends who are cops, they’ve “off the record” told me as much.

    1. Where did you get this info from? I’m not disagreeing with you. I’m just curious.

      Even so, in THIS case with Columbus Short, it’s allegedly between a man against a woman. And sadly, there has been a lot of news from the press about famous black males committing crimes against women. Does that mean that most DV cases involve black men against black women? No. But if that’s the case, one has to ask why there isn’t as much noise when it comes to famous whites against white women. And it may have something to do with this imbalance we see heavily in media reporting. Considering that it’s true, questions as to why must be asked. But if not, it’s wrong on several levels.

      And I agree that there are cases where the roles are reversed, but I’ve yet to see any evidence where it’s as frequent as male-on-female.

      1. My apologies brother but the studies I read were from about 6 years ago and I had forgotten the names of those involved in it.

        http://washingtondv.org/?page_id=2

        http://washingtondv.org/?page_id=96

        http://www.dailyfinance.com/2010/01/30/a-hidden-crime-domestic-violence-against-men-is-a-growing-probl/

        The 1st article has a link to the study which was done on a group of 18 to 28 year olds. Long story short it explains what reciprocal & non-reciprocal DV is and surprisingly shows women as initiators in 70% of all cases yet shows men & women actually striking one another at equal rates. Now think about that for a second, if women are antagonizing men 7 out of 10 times and men are antagonizing women in 3 out of 10 yet both strike equally that means men show self control & walk away from the situation more often than women do. This shows that the common image of a man mercilessly beating a woman as the poster of DV is simply a myth.

        The part about DV being higher in lesbian/bi-sexual relationships is also quoted in the first article. The second and third speak on the common situations abused men find themselves in, ie afraid to go to the police due to the fact that they won’t be believed and face a higher chance of being arrested than helped because no one can imagine a man as a victim. The studies also address the idea that the size differential between men and women means women are more at risk. It found that women were more likely to use weapons or objects as make-shift weapons to get the deed done. In this conversation we end up forgetting that anyone that would strike someone they claim to love obviously has a few screws loose. As crazy as it sounds you can’t ask “how would a woman attack a man if she’s physically smaller” because that question is logical. In the case of any individual attacking another who’s twice their size (woman attacking man) by definition they’re doing something illogical to say the least. You can’t inject logic into a situation where there is none.

        I understand what you mean completely about needing to protect women and as an individual who’s been a witness to DV against women I can tell you the sound, let alone the sight of it is nauseating. But then I ask myself, why did I laugh or simply not give a damn when I saw women doing the exact same thing to men? We have to check our own conditioning and realize a lot of men are suffering in silence because our belief that they can only be a perpetrator or general indifference to it. There seems to be a growing community around male victims and I believe CNN was working on or already aired a piece about it, either way lets all be on the look out and protect those (women & men) around us.

      2. As far as DL Cooney is concerned I couldn’t care less. What I mean by that is, the last time I remember DL being “hot” DMX came out with 2 platinum albums in the same year. Seriously I didn’t even remember he was alive let alone doing “comedy” I never thought dude was funny from the few stand ups I saw and once his comments about Imus came up I tuned out completely. I personally believe the lack of coverage is due to others ignoring him like I do but needless to say his comments were wrong. Most black celebrities are bought & paid for, nothing they do in the department of coonery can surprise me anymore.

  12. excellent post Brothawolf. dl coonley always says some bitter things about black women so I’m not surprised. He is like some males that think black women should not call the cops if their man hurts them and should just keep things hush as not to damage their man’s image. smh. But these same males will be shouting the loudest if their woman were to do anything to them and would be calling her a ho and a b##h.

    He won’t say anything about the way some of the black males in Hollywood throw each other and the black community under the bus, he always goes after women especially black women, hmm now could the dl stand for down low, because it’s suspect that any man would spend time blaming women for every issue.

    Black women are angry, we are angry at the way we are treated, and how when we are hurt people tell us to keep quiet or be strong. One minute people say we are too strong but the minute we ask for help we get ridiculed and called ho and B##. SO are we just supposed to take abuse as not to tarnish the man’s image? I guess appearances are the most important thing? not say actually being a good person instead of acting like one. instead of having a healthy relationship just fake it. smh. this is a problem, we have too many people in the community that just want to bandage things as not to appear wrong, instead of addressing the issue and fixing them so they can heal properly.

    See the thing is males like dl are the ones that are weak, they want women to shut up and take what males like him dish out but the moment something affects them they expect these same “emotional” females to listen to their problems. These are selfish males with issues. they can call out a woman reporting her man hurting her but will not call out the man that hurt the woman. U can call the women b3chs and hoes, but what about the males? Oh what no derogatory names for the males that put their hands on women, but u have derogatory names for the women that get abused, so pitiful. That is how I know he is no man, a real man would step to another man and not the woman. If his daughters were to be in a situation like that what would he say or do? would he just tell them to deal with it and not say anything? or would he go talk to the guy and maybe whoop his arse and tell his daughter to leave him?

    if black women are the angriest people on earth it could be because we are sh3ted on by everybody, including the ones that you’d think would understand the most. And if somebody were to say black men are the most violent people on earth, males like him would be up in arms, and guess who would be right there to defend them, no not white men, no not white women, no not latino women, but black women. All I ask is if u say these things about black women then please turn away black women that support u, tell them their money isn’t good enough, tell them not to support u when u get ur n!43r moment, tell them not to protest or start petitions for you, tell them not to cook for u, tell them not to do ur hair, tell them not to do a dam thing for u, get other people to do that for u.

    And I know this is getting long but, black women should not support cooning black males like him, if the guy says anything about black women don’t spend any money on his products, don’t sign any petitions for em, and don’t associate with them. Black people need to stop supporting these racist companies and organizations and black women need to stop supporting these hateful males like dl. I can only wonder what his wife deals with.

      1. I agree!

        @ mstoogood4yall:

        I remember when Mike Tyson raped that Black girl years ago, there were a lot of Black women who publicly supported him because he was a Black male. It didn’t matter that the woman he was convicted of raping was a fellow Black person — Black women were expected to support him just because he was a Black male.

        You’re right — we need to stop this foolishness. We need to condemn our people when they do wrong, and praise them when they do well. Period. I don’t care if White people make excuses for themselves or each other — we don’t want to be like them, anyway. The guy who does “The Advice Show” on YouTYube says the same thing.

        I mentioned this last year on DOAN’s blog, about how when I was in college, I was expected to continue to speak to the Black girls who were cute-acting and mean to me, just because they were Black. I was nice to one of them (who was the meanest of them all), even past the point when I knew that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me because I was sick of being nice to people who were mean to me. I ignored the White girls who were mean to me, so I ignored the Black girls who were mean to me, too. We have to stay away from cooning Black folks just as much as White folks because they are both just plain bad.

        We can’t continue to support Black folks who screw us over, just like Whites who do the same.

  13. Most Black women i know and have encountered are in fact very joyful and childlike.

    Anger is typically an emotion that all human beings experience. When applied to Black women though it is for the purpose of silencing and discrediting her so that she can continue to be controlled, manipulated and abused because there is money to be made from her.

    After all, she (Black woman) is the most loved, feared, talked about woman on the planet.

  14. I remember during the Imus incident, there was a weakened attempt to boycott Hughley.. Hughley’s audience is primarily African American, and sadly many continue to empower him by giving him a pass and tuning in even after his myriad of verbally offensive remarks about black women… . If you remember, initially, he was boastfully un-apologetic when he offended African American college girls during the Imus incident, but now even though his remarks were directed toward a black woman, he is apologizing because domestic violence doesn’t discriminate and it is without a color, hence, he realizes if this goes further mainstream, he might not be given that same type of pass. I figure it is time we demand better and hold him and others accountable when they degrade the black female… we are someone’s wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, girlfriend, and etc.

  15. Oh, I almost forgot! Geeweev has this video about Black actors playing “White” roles, and near the end he says things about “Boondocks” that shocked me! What do you think of this? Do you agree with him? What do you think?

    I would like some feedback. Thanks.

    1. Well, in the first place, he doesn’t seem well versed in comics. lol

      Second, I find it funny that people have a problem with changing the races of comic book characters, but keeping them white somehow makes more sense. And all characters are fictional anyway. Yet, Hollywood has been known to casts whites in true story-based films about POC, and even have whites play POC dressed up as POC.

      Also, if you have anything you want me to comment in that’s a different topic, please leave them in the ‘Open Lounge’ page at the top of the blog. Thanks. 🙂

    1. You’re welcome. I hope I didn’t sound mean. It was just in case you had a topic or a suggestion and didn’t know where to put it. At the top left side of this blog are some pages where you can do to in case you have opinions and thoughts unrelated to the articles.

      1. Oh, Brothawolf, you weren’t being mean. You were being very cordial giving me advice and instructions. Thank you. 🙂

  16. @ Courtney Thanks a lot for your kind words and support, it wasn’t easy but I have absolutely no regrets-and am grateful every day for being blessed to heal (physically and eventually mentally) from that ordeal! : )

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