Black Men Can’t Win

Doyin Richards

Selfies are all the rage nowadays since we had mobile phones with cameras. One dad has used his to help expunge the recently adverse stereotype of the no-good, deadbeat, black sperm donor trash talk media has been dancing with.

Doyin Richards, 39, is a black dad who took a picture of himself styling his oldest daughter’s hair while having his toddler strapped to his chest. Word on the street is that it’s gone viral in the last several days.

Colorlines reports:

Richards originally posted the photo on his website back in October with the title, “I Have a Dream: That People Will View a Picture Like This and Not Think It’s a Big Deal.” He’d taken it after his wife challenged him to do their 6-year-old daughter’s hair without leaving  their infant on her own. Richards not only did it, but took a picture as proof. He later reposted the photo last month and the photo was eventually picked up by the fatherhood blog The Good Men Project.

The photo is a hit to many. Hundreds of thousands in fact. But since we’re talking about black male dads in America, it predictably got its fair share of racist insults such as, “He probably rented those kids,” and “I would bet anything that you’re a deadbeat.”

It’s so sad when you expect that to happen, but it’s a foot-up-the-ass painful when some of the hateful comments came from black folks!

Richards’ with his children

As you can see, Richards’ kids are mixed. His wife and mother of his children is half-Japanese and half-white. No doubt this angered a lot of black folks as seen here in the following couplet of comments as seen in his article at the Good Men Project‘s website:

“This would be so much better if those kids were BLACK!”

“Your MOM is black and you dishonored her by marrying outside of your race? You probably can’t handle a strong black woman.”

I won’t lie. It is slightly disappointing that he didn’t marry a sista and had a family with her. But I don’t think – and everyone’s welcome to disagree – it’s a big issue in this case. There has been a push to defy the black baby daddy stereotype prevalent in the imaginations of most Americans, including African Americans. Yet, the image of a black dude fucking numerous women, getting them pregnant and leaving them for more women is a pop culture staple that exemplifies the remorseless irresponsible nature of black males.

There is a survey that helps defy the ugly stereotype. It shows that most black fathers are actively involved in their children’s lives. I’m grateful that one is done. But who are we kidding? The stereotype will persist. The media will continue to spoon-feed the gullible race-obsessed public the same sweets rotting their brains for bargain-basement entertainment and ratings that would excite toddlers.

I don’t know him personally, but Doyin Richards seems like a good dude, and he is being a man by staying in his family’s lives. Sure, he married a nonblack woman. It looks like he genuinely loves her for her and not for what she is or isn’t. Can we put that aside and see that he is helping to shatter a damning image?

The term ‘good black men’ is becoming an oxymoron in today’s times of cultural appropriation and black folk blaming. We are always suspect at first sight. We are always searched for the worst of us and in us. And we are molded into one deformed collective based on those search results.

The good black man doesn’t exist, not even in the eyes of some black folks, in this society. A good black man, in a matter of speaking, must be flawless, a Christ-like human being in order for the suspicions to, at least, subside – a little.

I’m not saying black men shouldn’t strive to be the best. But we are only human, like everyone else. We definitely need improvement like anyone else with their faults. That’s no lie. There are good black men out there. So, let’s try to give some brothas like Doyin Richards some love.

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42 thoughts on “Black Men Can’t Win

  1. People are crazy, he seems like a devoted father, people get mad at that because it shatters their stereotypes about black men. it really is funny how they say black men don’t take care of their kids then the next they are saying black men rent kids or kidnap non black kids wtf smh.
    I do notice they show certain kinds of fathers, I remember when it was a pic of a white guy doing his adopted black daughters hair but I don’t remember much outrage over it. I do notice they won’t show black people being good parents. I have yet to see pictures of a black family being shared thousands of times and going viral. But a white person taking care of their kids whether they are white or non white they get attention and praise.

    1. All I can say is that goes against the wants and needs of a racist society. In the end, they want black people to be what they think we are. So, they look for the ones that fit their narrow stereotypes, plaster it all over the place and act concern about it to make themselves appear benevolent.

  2. wtf. I just typed in black father doing child’s hair and the images that came up were of white men doing black girls hair wow. I tried it on google and bing and the top images are of a white men wtf. http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=black+father+doing+child%27s+hair&FORM=AWIR

    something is very weird, i’m going to sound paranoid for a second but why do I get the feeling that they are trying to say whites can raise black kids better than blacks can?
    Ugh *barfs*. it is a shame I have to search really hard to find a pic of a black father doing his black child’s hair I’ve seen pics of it but now I can barely find any wtf, but I can easily find pics of whites doing black childrens hair double wtf. I am really baffled about this how in the world can I not find pics of black fathers doing their childs hair and the ones I do see are of whites or biracial kids.

    1. I dunno what to think about that. I know Google’s the same way, and every other search engine, I bet, does the same thing. For instance, when I type ‘white crime’ I get ‘black-on-white crime’ in the search results.

  3. He seems like a nice guy. At least he married the mother of his children and takes care of his kids too. That is what I want in a man REGARDLESS of his race.

    No, I don’t hate Black men at all but I am critical of them these days.

  4. You know what the man is taking care of his family. I would have like to see the brother with a black woman with black kids, but that is not the case. This is a man taking care of his family. He is not a dead beat sperm donor. God bless him and his family.

  5. “They” are the Original Baby Daddy’s. Fucking/raping your slaves; offspring of the horrid event remain invisible to their half siblings in the main house.

    Breaking the family up for no & every reason imaginable. Yet we are the pariahs of this subject forever & a day.

    Brothawolf, I am not saying nothing you haven’t covered already but your tom brady’s, a. schwarzenegger’s etc. I can go on, have left women while pregnant yet face no ridicule lasting longer than a commercial.

    Wp seem to think if they marry every affair had that somehow makes it OK in white jesusus (yes, jesusus: intentional) eyes.

    In all races, ethnicities, cultures, men spread their seed because they can. It’s not specific to just us.

    My MSG to all black men & women who read this: Don’t believe the hype! This is so far from the truth it’s not even visible on the horizon.

    I know for a fact YOU are in your kids lives even if the relationship has not worked. I see it real time not fake stats & reality tv.

    I also know many black women who will consign my truth b/c contrary to popular lies we aren’t at each others throats as they’d like us to beLIEve.

    That’s more propaganda to keep us divided.

    No complaints here. I applaude the BM & BW efforts in relationships & parenthood.

      1. Dear Courtney H,

        Thanks for making light of the abuse of Black women’s minds and bodies under this evil system known as white imperialism by perpetuating the false idea that Black women are eager and happy to cooperate with white men at the expense of Black men through that lame and useless video you linked!

    1. amen brotha that is why I don’t believe the hype, when Arnold had a child with his mistress people were mostly focusing on why his wife stayed then why he did what he did. They love focusing on some black people that do the same when these pathologies were ok for them but once somebody else does it it’s a huge crisis. White males have sold off their own children and had slaves raise their biracial children as well as their white children.
      more black fathers spend time with their kids than any males. I see plenty of black people that are no longer together but are co parenting, that is also why I don’t believe their stats saying there are a lot of kids without fathers and try to turn it into saying single mothers as if the mothers relationship status tells whether the father of the kids is in their life or not he’s just not in her life but that don’t mean he’s not in his kids life.

      1. I don’t want to seem off-key & go left of the subject but I do want to add that single parenting does equal detriment.

        Many a great people have come from both parents present and or single parents.

        Mind you, McVeigh, Boston Bombers, Columbine, Newstown CT, Aurora CO types have both parents and ish still went down hill.

        We gon’ be alright People, “baleee’dat!”

  6. Reblogged this on cleonette and commented:
    I didn’t know all of that was going on, but even as a young child, I knew that I had something special having my father so involved in my life because so many other little girls my age didn’t. When my father passed away, many of my friends showed up and I realized that his presence in my life was a positive experience from my friends as well. I remember when I would have sleepovers, one of my friends who was kinda new to the group of us was timid around my father. After a few months and more sleepover than my mom probably wanted, she was running to greet my dad when he came home like the rest of us. So sad that other women and children never get the love of a father. I feel like we need to start a national campaign/network of involved fathers. “Nation Black Fathers Network” to really show the millions, yes millions of father who are there. We are 30 or 40 million strong as black ppl in this country, so surely we can make an impact by killing the stereotype and creating a network that will show and help men be better fathers. There are men who don’t know how to be a father who could benefit from the guiding hand of a veteran good father.

    1. Good idea about that network.

      I’m glad Father Wolf has been and still is in my life. I admit that there are absent dads in our community, but it’s not a black problem. It seems like this society racializes it’s problems, absent fathers being one of them.

  7. I thank God that my father was in my life, I had more attention than some of the kids who had there father’s in their homes. My father took care of me. I think black people are doing the best that they can with what resources they have, regardless of what the main stream media says.

  8. Black folks in particular must remember that in order for racism to continually thrive in Amerikkka, there must be a maintenance process in place. The continual assault and assassination of the black man’s character is a part of this process and unfortunately an unending undertaking by mostly white folks.

    Of course there are a lot of black men, if not most of them that take responsibility for their actions and do the right thing. However, it’s incongruent to depict black men in a positive light in an overwhelmingly racist society. This goes against the designed purpose of the white media in general and society at large.

    Keep up the good work Doyin. I wish I could braid my daughter’s hair like that. Currently, the end results are telling me that I do not have a future in hair braiding!

    1. Of course there are a lot of black men, if not most of them that take responsibility for their actions and do the right thing. However, it’s incongruent to depict black men in a positive light in an overwhelmingly racist society. This goes against the designed purpose of the white media in general and society at large.

      That right there.

  9. Great post, and while some people may find it a bit daunting that he did not marry and have children with a black woman, it must be said that this guy is an apparently involved, loving, and upstanding father as well! As for the question of whether or not (a lot) of white people feel that they could do a better job raising children of color (especially black), the answer is absolutely Yes! Having lived in Cali for many years, I can attest to seeing many women trash talking black women (for example, at a PTA) meeting over petty topics (from what they wore, or how they styled their hair), but saying absolutely zilch about some other non-black parents whose children displayed rebellious, unruly behavior (cussing, being promiscuous, etc.) and not even blinking twice or commenting about it at all.. SMH

  10. I’m surprised that this man would be astonished by the negative or stereotypical reaction, any time you see the image of a black face on the Internet it is followed by an oasis of racist post regardless of whether the subject is doing something positive or not. The racist are out in full force CREATING character assassination when topics on African Americans are positive, and the racist delight when it’s a negative perception…

    As for the part about the alleged black women posting that this man should have stuck with black women, I feel that those few responses were thrown into the mix so the media can have their feel good moment by saying, “See black people are prejudice too,” even though the majority of the posters in reference to this article attacked this man’s blackness, and his character based on stereotype surrounding his blackness.

    I also agree that it is another divide and conquer method and that is why they threw those few post by alleged black women out there. Shamefully, Tamara Mowry is the latest person being propped up and used for the depiction of African Americans as racist bullies; notice how she describes herself being victimized due to her inter-racial relationship, she makes it sound as if the racism is one sided, and coming solely from African Americans who are troubled by her spouse’s whiteness.

    I don’t see anything wrong with who this man’s family, and nor do I have a problem with who Tamara Mowry chose to marry; both have beautiful families; Tamara’s baby is a cutie!. However, there is a problem within one’s self if they’ve been victimized by racism and cannot have an honest dialogue about the subject or call out its perpetrators.

    1. @ phoebeprunelle:

      I was not making light of the BM/BW dichotomy. I have been viewing different kinds of videos lately to get different perspectives. My sister walked out of the room while I was watching one of this guy’s videos, and she told me that it was negative, and the product of an angry Black man who was probably dumped by a Black woman and now dated White women and was putting down Black women as revenge. Again, what you thought was my intent was not my intent. Thank you.

  11. Tia and Tamera are both mixed women anyway, so I don’t see what the big uProar over their decided spousal choices is about-not to mention that one married a “black man” while the other married a “white” one, this being coupled with the fact they have always (publicly) carried themselves as respectful, prideful (in both their backgrounds) and non-hateful women demonstrates to me that their marriages were obviously based upon real and True love-much like all the ethnicities that have blended together throughout the years to make uP what is my own lovely, diverse mixed family!

  12. I can’t speak on other parts of the country, but I can speak on California. The sad thing is every time I see a black dad truly building on his kids, it is mixed kids almost 100% of the time. Everytime I see a dad pushing a stroller, wearing a baby harness around his chest, or really acting super involved that baby is almost always mixed. I challenge you to check this out the next time you’re in public and see if I’m not telling the gospel truth.

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