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Megyn Kelly

Santa Claus is real! Did you know what? After I grew up, I stopped believing in Santa. I mean an obese man delivering presents to every human being on this planet in one night and still be jolly doesn’t seem quite possible. But Megyn Kelly, host of her own show on Fox News, told America that St. Nick is a white. So, she latently suggested that he’s real…and white.

Kelly’s response was to an article on Slate by Aisha Harris entitled “Santa Claus Should Not Be a White Man Anymore.” Kelly wasn’t having any of that:

“For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white. But this person is maybe just arguing that we should also have a black Santa. But, you know, Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we’re just debating this because someone wrote about it, kids.”

Okay. How about having Santa as a penguin, as that’s the new craze online. But commentator Monica Crowley didn’t see how that’s possible, because “a penguin can not lug all those gifts around the world.”

Right, but a fat dude as old as the hills can.

Okay, enough kidding around here. Why this is even worthy to be discussed on a news network is humorous enough. (Then again, this is Fox News we’re talking about.) But to make a huge fuss over the suggestion that we colorize Santa should go down as one of 2013’s WTF moments.

But we’ve seen this before, and what’s more screwy is this happens with imaginary characters portrayed as whites. Turning fictional characters into characters of color would cause some white people to go bonkers.

Remember when they casted Idris Elba to play Heimdall in the movie version of Thor? You would’ve thought white people lost their children. The Council of Conservative Citizens, a white nationalist cult group, even threated to boycott the movie.

Idris Elba as Heimdall

Remember the big uproar with Ultimate Spider-Man’s parallel universe incarnate Miles Morales, a young black-Latino. While a lot of people, including Stan Lee himself, praised the idea, some were outraged. (White) fans of the Spider-Man mythos didn’t think Peter Parker should’ve been killed off and replaced with a person of color. Seeing their beloved hero die is bad enough. But having him replaced with a black-Latino infuriated some.

Ultimate Spider-Man Miles Morales

But the obvious is missing from bursts of what white people could consider as desecration to their heroes and idols of pop culture. THEY ARE NOT REAL! Getting upset over skin and ethnic changes to characters that don’t exist in the real world hints that maybe, just maybe, they are racist.

The irony of this is that whites have no problem whitewashing characters, imagined or real, of any story they find. You need to look no further than Hollywood and movies like Argo or 30 Days of Night. Why? Because according to Tinsel Town, only white people are “universal” and they sell like hotcakes.

In closing, I like to ponder what it would be like if Santa was real, white and black. If Santa was white, he would likely avoid poor black and brown neighborhoods because he fears getting jumped or shot by angry black males. He would likely be a guest commentator on Fox News and cite how his red outfit would be a death sentence in a Crip neighborhood.

Now, if Santa was a real black man, entered a white neighborhood and was spotted, the residents would call the police and about 50 of them with guns drawn would descend outside of a house where Santa is, perched on a rooftop. They may even send in helicopters. Santa would probably get shot because he either “looked” like he was up to no good, or he was reaching in his bag for a gift to show he was indeed Kris Kringle and is mistaken for pulling a gun.

Boondocks’ Uncle Ruckus as a store Santa

Another scenario would be that Santa would get arrested visiting a white neighborhood. He would be charged with trespassing and attempted burglary. They may even plant drugs or a gun on him and charge him with drug possession and possessing a firearm.

These possibilities may be dark comedy to some, but a black Santa doesn’t get the right to exist, at least as a benevolent character, without some jokers protesting about history, white marginalization and prompting all sorts of negative black stereotypes, even if Santa Claus is in fact, make-believe. And Megyn Kelly and her Fox News comrades want to make you believe that Santa is out there and is white.