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“Sad Wolf” by Christinik

For a few years, I’ve been blogging my disgust concerning white racism and the mindless zombies who do its bidding. I don’t have any regrets despite the efforts of white racist trolls like Unamused, GLPiggy, Allegory and Jovent who, by the way, left another steaming, stinking pile of black crime stats. I may write a diss article if he decides to return.

Yes, people need to keep it real when discussing the topic of race, and not digest the obviously racist hype feed to them. But sometimes, you need to be upfront about some members of your own people, particularly the ones who appear to be on the same side, but still see you as the enemy.

I will not pull a Don Lemon or Bill Cosby here. I will not write this to make myself better than all the rest of the black population. I will not scold them, nor will I try to sound like a white guy acting like he “cares”. And I will not go into too much detail. But, the fact is that black people sometimes depress me.

For example, I was asked to illustrate a graphic novel for a brotha who’s an author. I took the job to make some extra money. I took on the project because it featured a woman of color as the main character. I jumped on this because he and I agreed that we need more representation and how we, as black people, need to work together.

Not getting into too much detail, the job was stressful and time consuming, considering I had other responsibilities. Yet, I still enjoyed it. I did the illustrations, the wording and the special graphic effects.

To make a short story even shorter, I got tired of it, and I said so to the brotha by email telling him we need to talk about the project. The next thing I know, I was lashed at. I tried to explain what I meant, and even apologized. I even tried to call him. In the end, I was dropped like a bad habit. And the work I put all my effort into is sitting cold in my hard drive.

So, here I am wondering what I did wrong. How could I let this opportunity blow up in my face? Should I have kept my mouth shut and continued to do what this writer asked even though I thought that’s what I did?

To this day, I still wondered what I could’ve done that was different. I concluded that I set myself up. I, a black man, most likely screwed myself out of a huge opportunity. I made myself sad.

Then again, what if I was being used?

What was really depressing is that this isn’t the first time something like this happened. I’ve been asked to do numerous artwork for just as many people. In most cases, my pictures were not accepted, and I didn’t get paid. Sadly, most of those people were brothas and sistas. *Sigh!*

Including that my own graphic novel was rejected by a company I assume is operated by whites, you have one depressed wolf questioning why he should continue drawing.

I still fucking love black people. I do. But honestly, I wonder if some of them even knows what it means when they use words like “stick together” or “uplift and empower ourselves” when some of them turn around and disrespect you or support the negativity many of us try so hard to reject.

Case in point, there was a tweet chat about reality TV representation of black people, a subject I have strong criticisms about. I deplore those negative images of black folks on those shows. They do nothing but revitalize stereotypes. Plain and simple. And the sad part is that some of them are produced by black folks! Argh!

It’s bad enough that these shows are green lit for production and more seasons, but it’s dispiriting when black folks tune in to see what kind of drama went down during a week’s episode. And what’s infuriating is that some of those same viewers complain how there’s not enough positive images in the media.

Well, duh! It’s because people like them flock to these degenerative programs. Some of them are hooked on “entertainment” like this. Do they not realize that networks will keep giving the people what they want as long as viewership remains strong? Damn!

Now, here’s the funny part. Some black folks make excuses. “This is just entertainment,” or “It’s just my escape”. Seriously? It’s sickening to watch black people act a fool on these dime-a-dozen reality shows. Why the hell would anyone tune in to liberate themselves from their everyday lives? There must be some lowbrow folks with horrible lives to want to “escape” to this bull fuckery. And if saying so is offensive, your ass is not paying a attention!

Look, this isn’t my declaration to join the Uncle Tom union, nor is this an public service announcement for respectability politics. But between smart ass, biting comments by know-it-all brothas, or hostile sistas who bite your head off for asking a question, both claiming to be ‘pro-black’, some negroes need a serious time out. I understand the circumstances born from this, but it still doesn’t bring any sliver of relief and remind me why I’m a lone wolf.