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by Lavern Merriweather

I used the word ‘myth’ in my title because apparently being a beautiful woman in the black community either just doesn’t exist or is seen only in the eyes of whiteness. Back when Vanessa Williams became the first black Miss America ever paving the way for others, I recall a comment my older brother made about the criticism that she looked white, and that’s the only reason she was crowned. He said that was crap that if they really wanted a white woman, they would have picked one since the judges had more than enough to choose from. I agreed with him at the time, but not anymore. I mean come off it!

Yes, I feel it was wrong for other black people to level an attack on her for not being ‘black enough’. She is as black to me as the next one. However, as far as the panel which picked her are concerned, it’s not like they stepped that far out of their comfort zone. Not that I’m saying she had to look like Alek Wek or something, but let’s cut the b.s. here.

They liked her because she has very light skin, long tawny hair and bright green eyes. She is the epitome of what they think a pretty black woman should look like. Since we have no standard of beauty, the only thing we can compare ourselves to is white women, even though the only way I can look like Michelle Pfeiffer is if she were my mother somehow.

I am expected to bear as strong a resemblance as I can to a woman I don’t share any DNA with. And even then, you have to take shit for it like the snide comments about weaves or plastic surgery. If it’s not some pissant comedian making obnoxious stupid jokes, then it’s some loudmouth goofball on a talk show kidding about how you better not dare touch a black woman’s hair or don’t run your fingers through it, lest they get stuck. There was even a popular novelty song by a rapper about that very thing two decades ago.

Well hardy fucking har har!

A memo to black male comedians: not only are your “how black women are different” jokes tiresome, stupid and unfunny but they have absolutely no basis whatsoever in reality. It’s the same requisite paint-by-numbers bullshit that wasn’t really that funny when it was said 25 years ago. Yet, even when you are a good looking black woman, that’s not enough to garner you the same protective nature or excuses that white males in the media make for white women.

You’d have thought Ms. Williams took out her entire family with an Uzi gun the way a lot of white males vilified her after she won her crown for of all things it being discovered that she took some nude photos a few years previously. The uproar and scandal that followed were more the equivalent of a newly found Nazi still alive in Bolivia. Ms. Williams wasn’t a war criminal. She was just treated like one by rabid racist asswipes who play peter pureheart solely when it suits their little agenda, namely to stir up as much controversy as possible over the pettiest shit or denigrate a woman with a serious and agonizing drug problem that she needs help for.

The very same white people calling the drug addled circumstances of white female celebrities like Lindsay, Brittney, Paris and now Amanda Bynes ‘sad’ and saying how they feel sorry for them hated on Whitney, like she was some 10-dollar crack whore begging to suck their junk for another hit or as if she had sold her daughter Bobbi Christina to a drug dealer like the mother in Philadelphia and a mother in Detroit did. While that never happened in Ms. Houston’s case, you would have assumed that it did the way many whites and some black people in the media behaved towards her.

Yet, that’s the way it is in America. White people get compassion for their issues while we get scorn and ridicule or have the white Gestapo hate brigade harping on worthless bullshit as if it were more important that the debt crisis.

Case in point, the recent bitching by whiny white male bitches because singing superstar Beyoncé chose to lip-sync the national anthem rather than do it live. Even pointing to white female hero Kelly Clarkson who did it live. So, why could little miss diva think she is so fucking great? Beyoncé sing live!

And there it is in a nutshell. She isn’t great because she is a black woman, and therefore, less than purely by default. God forbid, she think too much of herself lest the white male media Nazi brigade find any lame-as-hell chance to put her in her place like they did with Halle Berry after she got into trouble for a few mishaps with her car. I say mishaps because I’m not 100 percent sure of what it was exactly that she did. But it was apparently enough to send the media Nazis on the warpath and call for her pretty, but still, black female head.

Never mind that many white celebrities both male and female have caused many auto accidents, some even fatal. It’s those shifty stupid Negroes who don’t know what to do with themselves that we have to watch out for.

I distinctly recall when the indie Spike Lee hit “She’s Gotta Have It” came out. I also recall that the star of the movie actress Tracy Camilla Johns who played lead character Nola Darling was referred to by most white male critics as ‘earthy’ or ‘healthy’. Okay, what the FUCK is that shit supposed to mean?!! (Don’t answer. It’s a very rhetorical question.)

She was – at the time – a young, attractive, slender woman of color who didn’t have white features, a flat ass or a silky weave. They certainly can’t use words for her to describe her beauty because to them, she doesn’t have any. And they would be damned if they could ever see her as anything but a freakish anomaly to their idea that the only black people on this planet are all men.

Dear God! It has boobs and a vagina! How the hell did that happen!? Run for your lives! That thing belongs in a circus tent!

This is why white males are such pissy little shits over any form of black female sexuality. Well I say, GET OVER IT, ASSHOLES! I’m not denying who or what I am because you are a douchebag who has an obvious sexual hang-up of your own based on your petulant ever present racist baggage bullshit. That’s for you to deal with. Just don’t sell me your little goods of being so moral about women’s bodies as you parade around white women like Barbie on the conveyor.