Women Haters

The following is connected with Ars Marginal’s post entitled Why Fandom Needs To Die a Violent Death which discusses the latest problem of misogyny against women in the comic book world.

I must advise everyone that this post is NOT the best entry to define or challenge misogyny or sexism, nor am I the best one to give advice on the matter. Please give your incite, extra points and criticisms, on the matter in the comment section below.

I’ve been hurt by women several times in my lifetime. I’ve been let down, used and just hated for reasons only theorized. (I won’t go into details) I didn’t do anything wrong to provoke those females, as far as I know. However, I’ve been bitter about what they’ve done to me, and in some cases I’m still a little bitter. That’s why I will admit that I am a misogynist.

For a long time, I carried my pain and expressed it online. I complained a lot about how women are this and that. (Yes, I grouped all women into one, demeaning category.) There was even a time where I agreed with other misogynists’ whenever they beefed about how women are, or rather what they did to them. I was a woman hater and saw nothing wrong with it until recently.

We live in a patriarchal society where maleness is seen as ‘superior’ above femininity. This society, and the world in general, regard women as less than human, devoid of being taken seriously. Most males regard women as ‘the problem’ especially when they start challenging and smashing forms of male supremacy. However, there are males who are mad with rage that they wage their personal war against the entire female gender.

I’ve seen men online have access to communication apparatuses to give their latest installments as to why women, or certain groups or women, are to be hated and left alone. They will have plenty of shows, articles and blog posts tearing down the image of women. Sometimes they will do this by the hundreds. Evidently, their vitriol is endless and relentless, but it gets worse.

Some of these bitter and angry males not only want to be heard, but supported unconditionally. And they are, mostly by other males who see their position and will follow them to the ends of the Earth as if they are holy prophets. They will even help spread the gospel of female hatred to others as they think they’ve heard the “truth”.  Those who disagree respectably are seen as vile sinners.

You can confront and express your views on why their misogyny is wrong and that it causes more harm against women. But it gets nowhere. In fact it is seen as a personal attack by these males. They think you are out to “get” them and bring them down. So, they will lash out and bite back with a barrage of insults, curse words and an extreme denial of the fact that they are indeed misogynists, sexists and chauvinists by definition and position. It’s no different from confronting most racists or homophobic lunatics on their bullshit.

Why do they have so much animosity towards women? I’m no expert, but my guess is that they’ve been hurt or traumatized by the women they’ve met or known in their personal lives. They must’ve been played, made fun of, passed up for another male they deem is unworthy of the affection of certain women they find is attractive or just plain abused. Being sexist and without proper help to deal with their pain, they conclude that women in general are the enemy that need to be put back in their place.

Most of these males have developed expectations as to how women are supposed to be. It varies depending on the individual, of course, but the overall theme is that these males feel it is their right to tell women how and what to think, say and do according to their perceptions. If there are women who fit outside that image or dare to challenge it, then those males see them as a threat and are thus, hated.

I know there are men out there who are hurt by women. It is a painful feeling. I won’t deny it. However, men need to realize that women are hurt by men way more often than many of us care to understand. Think about it: Are we told what to do with our bodies usually as a political and religious topic? Are we objectified by the media as sex objects who desperately need the opposite sex to validate our worth? Are we seen in a negative light by society when we sleep with as many people as possible? If you’ve answered no to all these questions, that’s the point.

I won’t try to pass myself off as an expert on this subject because frankly, I’m not the best person to ask about this topic. I may know quite a bit, but no one knows more about how it’s like to be a woman in a patriarchal world better than a woman who knows first hand and have done some research and activism. If there is to be any hope for men and women, we, as males, need to start learning, listening and face the problem. We have to start checking these dudes who feel it is their right to bash women for simply being human.

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18 thoughts on “Women Haters

  1. I was in a house of worship where the pastor, was a woman hater and a self hating negro. I was damaged emotionally by this man. Many women in the community where i live continue to worship at this place. I’m glad after I connected the dots that i finally got the courage and good sense to leave.

  2. The place where i used to worship. That Man was just like that Jessie Lee Patterson. A real sick mind controller. He hated me because Iquestioned everything he said and did. I couldn’t figure out why he was so indifferent to me. I’m thankful I’m no longer a sheep drinking the poison kool-aid.

    1. People never like the ones that can see them for who and what they are. Hence why Jesus was hated he didn’t go with the flow or status he went against whoever was against his father. People who use God’s word to project idiocracy are in for a rude awakening.

  3. One must tread the waters of this particular topic carefully…

    Because it is so easy for even the most well-meaning of men to become defensive of any critique of male privilege..i learned sometime ago that the world gives lots of weight to what men say and do…in lots of cases it is not harmful to women, but there are those cases where male privilege only serves men and comes at the expense of women (like what Mary is describing)…i don’t have to go into detail about that i’m assuming..

    The type of behavior you describe Brothawolf has been going for almost 15 years online and shows no signs of losing any momentum…at this point i don’t expect it would because men from ALL groups are not 100% or even 70% satisfied with the women in their groups- even in places like China, India and Nigeria–women are becoming more educated, having less children and are working as barristers, college teachers, writers,business owners and so forth. Many men–even loving and dedicated men (like my hubby) feel a little uncomfortable with this. Yes men as a whole are more likely to marry educated women than not, but this doesn’t mean that he is entirely supportive of her goals…

    I haven’t really come across in real life men who are hateful towards women, but i have heard subtle statements and comments about wives and girlfriends that let me know–if they had their way–their women would be home barefoot and pregnant.

    1. That’s true. What I’ve learned from privileged folks is that some of them don’t even know that they are privileged. If they say or do something that was offensive to those outside their “norm” and they get upset, they won’t understand why they are upset. Instead, and I’ve done it myself, they will defend themselves. “If you know me, you would know that I’m not a sexist” or “You are just being too sensitive” are replies often given by the offenders. Sometimes they won’t even apologize. Instead, they suggest that the offended apologize for attacking their character.

      Another point you made is that privileged people are afraid of the not-so-privileged gaining on them socially, economically, politically, and educationally. They are scared of losing their privileges even though some don’t believe they had any in the first place. Even though many men are “good”, they still have that patriarchal attitude towards women being beneath them.

  4. The young girl in Pakistan shot by the Taliban for going to school and wanting and education. That is a perfect example of a patriarchial society.

  5. The animated film Persepo;is is a perfect example of your whole post. I had no idea that women were so oppressed in that society.

    1. Hey Mary, i read the graphic novel of Persepolis–had to it was a requirement for my adolescent lit class; but yeah the movie is good too.

      The funny part was when her girlfriends (who were wearing American make-up to look like whores) chastised her for actually being one–in the book that is lol.

  6. Misogyny is very real, and I have had the unenviable experience of being subjected to vitriol and venom when I gave my thoughts on why this pastor named Andy Thompson in North Carolina recently came under fire for his advice to married women when it came to cheating husbands. He said in so many words that wives need to keep themselves attractive so that they can “outshine” any “hoes” (his word for women in adulterous affairs with married men) that come his way. Aside from the ugly word, he was putting responsibility on the wives and the mistresses, but not the cheating husbands. In doing so, he’s subscribing to some dangerously ignorant, harmful, and outdated views of women and men. A man who was on the same blog called me a feminazi for saying that men AND women are equally responsible for their own behaviors and said that I can’t tell men how to be men. What it boils down to is that when folks are confronted with challenges to a status quo they like or benefit from, they often get defensive.

    1. I’m very sorry you had to go through that. Men are sadly expected to screw around for the simple reason that they’re men. Therefore, they can’t help themselves. But women are expected to not only stay faithful but make sure their men stay faithful by staying pretty and being submissive. It’s a real shame.

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