The Tired Rant

I’ve mentioned in other post where I was down and out that there will be more posts where I just need to let it out. I don’t know if I made it clear that these posts, or this blog rather, should not to be taken too seriously, nor are they to be used for objective sources of information. They shouldn’t be. My blog posts are half-truth and half-emotion, mostly anger, frustration and depression. Like I said in the welcoming post, I am no expert and posts like this one are not merited in logic even though there is some truth in them.

I just wanted to let you know in advance before you read this that this is one of ‘those’ blogs. I’m always angry and depressed about many things, and this blog is one way for me to get it off my chest. As you can tell already, I’m very tired of a lot of things.

I’m tired of this plague of self-hatred a lot of black people have! It can not be ignored. This illness is destroying some of us and the victims don’t even know or care to treat it. Nowadays, it seems to be the trend, a way of getting hits and money! Even though the reason behind it is linked to white supremacy, what can be done? Can it be treated at all? Is it getting worse?

I’m tired of this self-hatred leading to disrespect and physical violence! From day one, we were taught to hate ourselves and what we are. Some have contributed that hatred to self-destructive behavior. Sadly, some of us buy into the hype, and it becomes a popular theme to show to the whole damn world. Black drama and “pathology” seems to fucking sell in the 21st Century. Why is this happening? Why is it that there is only ‘black pathology’ as if black people are the only people who screws up?

I’m tired of overprivileged people with a warped sense of morality and intelligence cry about how they are ‘victims’ and this, that and the other. Victims of what!? Why is their pain more important than anyone else’s? Why should I feel sorry for them when they have adequate support while those like me struggle to even find someone who understands a little bit?

I’m tried of being grouped in with negative stereotypes about black people just because I’m black myself. Even though it’s stupid to base a conclusion on something so trivial, it too is the norm in today’s world! I’m a criminal because there are black male criminals! See how messed that shit is? But again, this is regarded as reasonable in today’s society! It doesn’t matter that I’ve never been in trouble with the law. I’m a criminal because I’m a black male. What the fuck?

I’m tired of this damn stereotype threat that I live with! Why should feel guilty if there was a crime committed by another black person. I didn’t do it. I’m no criminal! So, why should I feel shame? Aren’t I an individual? According to most people, no. “Black people are a monolith,” says people who know little about blacks but have the outlets to say so and the people that will listen to them.

I’m tired of the monolithic thinking that I have! I need to see myself as an individual. I am but one man, a human being with a mind, heart and soul. It’s funny how some people are surprised as hell to know that black people think and feel. It’s almost shocking when they discover that we don’t all think and feel alike. I supposed that goes back to the damn criminal stereotype that will latch on to us until we’re dead.

I’m tired of overprivileged people being seen as basically good while the underprivileged are seen as the opposite! The same goes for them when they see themselves as individuals when one, a few or a multitude screws up while we are seen as a collective even when none of us falter! But, if certain members achieve success, all of a sudden, the whole group is now a damn collective, and underprivileged folks who succeed are individuals. Double standards, suck!

Most of all, I’m tired of…well, being tired! It’s hard for me to hold my head up right now. It’s hard for me to know that this is the weekend, and I’m off until Monday. It’s hard for me to smile and not cry. It’s hard for me to believe in God. Hell, it’s hard for me to love myself right now.

My bitterness is what the dark spirit of white supremacy wants, and there are times where it’s winning. It urges me to escape and leave this world. It persuades me to end the pain that way as this demon doesn’t seem like it’s leaving any time soon. It tells me that this is permanent and that I should just “go”.

However, something tells me to remain, to fight. Something tells me to hold on and continue what I’m doing. That little voice tells me to stay in it for the long haul, and it is constant battle with the white racist spirit that wants my soul. So, even though it will be stressful and – at times – painful, I must not give up no matter how tired I am.

Now, don’t worry. I won’t do anything crazy to myself. I’m just blowing off some steam. However, this is another installment to my circumventing. So, if you don’t want to feel upset, you may want to not check out any more posts of this nature. Again, this isn’t to be taken seriously. I’m just tired.

Are you tired as well?

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14 thoughts on “The Tired Rant

  1. I know what you mean and the worst part is when we monolith ourselves and have that ‘stepford’ black person mentality. Like those stupid Love and Hip-hop or Basketball Wives and Bad Girls Club shows. Even when there are shows with white women doing the exact SAME thing it’s the black women acting a fool that gets all the attention. But if anybody expects me to give a shit because they like generalizing then they need to think again

  2. I know this may sound trite and cliched, But I am praying for you my brother. I know you said you don’t subscribe to a belief in God. But that is the only way for me to heal inwardly. I will be praying for you and all of us black people in this struggle and war to sustain us in the battle for our ouls and minds called white supremacy. I feel as a black woman who have to battle this monster everyday. Being in the place where I’m employed dealing with rednecks and them always just by having white skin it gives them priviledges that I don’t have. Yes it’s frustrating I too feel like a second class citizen. But I have my spiritual base to fall back on, That’s the only thing to get me through. Yes your feelings are very valid and real. That’s why it pisses us off when whites don’t try to understand or don’t care. I’m praying for you Brotha Wolf. Iknow that doesn’t mean much to you but I’m doing it just the same. Keep Your Head Up, As Tupac used to say. Peace and Light to You.

  3. You sound almost exactly like I feel in some ways.
    However I greatly apprieciate your “rants” as well as your contribution, and make no mistake you are a contributor to your stated goal – justice.

    However in regards to trends and objectivity I can say that with time we can achieve answers to any question.

  4. Greetings Brother Wolf.
    I hear your “tired rant”, and I understand. Please allow me to interject some of my coping mechanisms that may be helpful. You can accept or reject at your will.

    1. I stopped identifying myself by those negative euphemisms like minority, underprivileged, black monolith, and that ilk. I stop using terms like “white supremacy”, overprivileged, etc. These terms work on my subconscious in a detrimental way, sapping my strength in spite of myself. Words are very powerful.

    2. I stopped looking at white people from a victim mentality. I realized they are simply human beings, who are not superior nor inferior to me. That released my stress of having to cope “as an inferior”. I don’t kiss white ass and don’t require my black ass to be kissed. A huge burden is then lifted from my spirit and I can take each person as they come.

    3. I don’t define my life by “white standards”. I don’t read their readings of me as a human being. I don’t listen to their spin on black folks who are struggling to be self respecting. I realize and accept in my spirit that there are people of all races on all levels of enlightenment. I also understand that some people want to point to other’s degradation as a false way to uplift themselves. I see that for what it is and choose not to be offended. People are always going to point their finger at others, not realizing that when you point your finger at someone else, three of your fingers are pointing back at you.

    4. I no longer feel the need to defend myself, my right to exist and have a good life based on those who may feel I don’t deserve a good life. By virtue of my being alive, I deserve a good life – the pursuit of happiness, and I ignore and circumvent those who disagree and continue to strive for my best life, in happiness and joy, despite haters’ opinion. I accept that there are jealous people who are using the fallacy of “racial superiority” to make themselves feel better about their lives, and I perfect the art of bypassing them.

    5. I don’t take white people so seriously in my spirit. I know deep within that I am worthy of life, so I don’t feel broken by those who may not agree. I don’t covet their supposed “superiority”, which they base on stolen world wealth. From an objective perspective, many whites are suffering great existential pain. When you look at them from a detached emotional place, you can see this pain played out. It’s beyond sad. I’m grateful that not all white people are like this, and they have a choice to make whether they will fall in line with this madness or fight against it with all that’s in them. I know a lot of white folks who fight against it.

    This was the long answer my brother, and I hope it doesn’t offend you, because that’s not my intention. It took many years for me to come to these conclusions. It’s a journey and destination. The sooner we black folks get on the road the better.

    There’s a young brother named KemetPrince who I listen to. He drops mad intuitive science that will change your world. Check him out if you haven’t already. Peace, Brother Wolf

    1. Thanks for the response and the link. I wish it was easy to just drop the “conditioning”. It’s much easier said than done. Maybe I need help somehow. And I agree, we (black folks) need to reject this mindset. It’s something that is imperative for us.

    2. Another thing is that I never used to have these kinds of emotions like collective shame or worrying about how we look to other people due to the actions of a few before. After I started becoming more aware, I started to develop this thinking and the feelings that go with it. I don’t know what happened.

      1. Brother, it’s a process and a destination. The reason you have those emotions is because you became conscious of the stuff that creates them. At some point we all bite into that apple. You are on an awareness journey and you need to keep going. There’s more to be aware of by far. Maybe shame is the beginning of the continuum. Keep moving along. It’s not hard either and you can do it yourself, no psychologist needed.

        One way is to view the process as a balance scale. One side, “negative black consciousness” coins are held. and the other side of the scale holds “positive black consciousness” coins. In western society, negative black consciousness coins are plentiful and we inadvertently add them. One becomes weighted with them and they cause imbalance. But if one seeks positive coins and add them one by one, the scales start becoming balanced. You can help the process by removing the negative coins, by rejecting the old lies. And also by not allowing any more coins by ignoring new lies.
        Then you can bring balance by seeking positive coins to add to the other side. These are plentiful but hidden and you must seek them. But with diligence the positive side starts filling up. Then you reach balance. But that’s not good enough. Because during this phase, your mind wavers – today it is good to be black; tomorrow it is bad. What you can do during this phase is watch yourself carefully. Become aware of this dynamic within yourself. Watch how you react. Take note. Be very forgiving of this wavering stage, and of yourself overall.
        Continue to seek positive coins and add them. Soon the scale will tip in the positive direction. Keep adding and adding. Coins will start to appear from everywhere. Add them all, and watch yourself become stronger and stronger.

        Please excuse my weak metaphor, but I wanted to make it look more concrete. I recommend watching as many of KemetPrince’s videos as you can. Dont allow the negative any more power and space in your spirit.

        Blessings, Love and Light

        And remember, it’s not weakness to be depressed when so many

      2. I honestly don’t know where to seek positive coins let alone how to get rid of the negative ones.

        I’m used to being a lone wolf. In fact I accept it as part of who I am. Sometimes I’m comfortable being one.

        I’ve watched of his views and he makes a lot of sense. My issue is that those words seem less powerful than the other kinds, the negative ones supported by actions like the ones I’ve seen today involving another.

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