Two recent events have been the talk of the blogosphere involving two black teens and sexuality. One involves a young boy, 17-years old, who asked a much older woman in her late 30’s to be his girlfriend. The other involved a young girl, 14-years old, who was performing oral sex on a teen boy at school while being recorded by a cam phone. Neither of these stories is easy to talk about openly, but they sure as hell need to be discussed honestly. First, we need to find out what the whole deal was with these kids.
The boy mentioned earlier met, or rather found, an older woman on Facebook. This woman goes by the name ‘The Sagacious Girl’ who has a Youtube page of the same name, and she also brought some wisdom and incite into this story in one of her videos entitled “Are We Raising Our Boys To Be Whores?” As she reads the message sent by the young man it sounds like an innocent attraction at first, but then, the message got sexual. He goes on to say how he can please, satisfy, and handle her and to give him a chance to prove it.
Some people may see this as normal behavior for young teenage boys to become sexually attracted to women. When I was a teen, I was attracted to teen girls and women, especially if they have curves. However, the case with this young brotha is more troubling. He approached a woman much older than himself online, a woman he doesn’t even know and a woman who doesn’t know him. It seems from the message alone that he wants her so bad that he will do whatever it takes to make her happy. The Sagacious Girl asks the question head-on, are we raising our boys to be whores?
If this was a young girl seeking the love and affection of an older man, all kinds of emotions would spring up from disgust to sympathy. Some people would call the young girl a hoe while those who are more understanding will conclude this as a case of someone who lacks a father figure and is in desperate need of help. With the cougar phenomenon becoming more open and popular, some people will take the issue with the young male teen as something more “expected” if not cute. After all, society expects men to fool around, especially young boys. However, young men have to be on the lookout for older women who seek them out to use them for sex.
There are older women who seek young men for sexual pleasure. They see them as tasty, young morsels who have the youth and vigor to make their bodies scream. Some look for a buffet of young men to have fun with. They will use one boy one night and another the next night. While some young boys see nothing wrong with it, there are some who genuinely love their women, and the thought of her using him is heartbreaking. Either way, those who welcome that lifestyle and those who look for an older kind of love beg us to wonder how society is raising our young boys about love and sex.
What would make a young man, a young developing teenager, to whore himself out like that? Why would young teenage boys who aren’t even old enough to vote look for older women to date or sleep with? Why can’t they find love within their own ages? Furthermore, why is this not among society’s biggest concerns?
The second scenario is just as disturbing, if not more. It involves a young 14-year old girl, oral sex, and a camera. High school student Amber Cole was recorded performing oral sex on her (ex) boyfriend outside of a school building. It was recorded by the young man’s friend who later posted it on the internet. As a result in the age of social media Amber Cole became an internet pariah ostracized by the public at large while very little is said about the boys involved.
According to the news so far, Cole’s father is outrage (and rightfully so), and the young men involved were arrested. Cole (reportedly) twitted her anger towards the boys while expressing how she was bullied and will press charges. Shortly after, in a bizarre turn of events, it was reported that she tweeted how she loves them both and changes her mind about pressing charges. However, this may be according to news reports which is said to have been based from tweets from a fake twitter account. It’s hard to say at this point as this plays out.
As more and more news about Amber Cole circulate the web, not only does it get more confusing, but it also becomes more infuriating not just because of the act but because of the sensationalism of an exploitative media circit. A young girl’s life has now become open to ridicule thanks to the power of social media outlets where any outrageous act can now be taped by ignorant individuals for the public’s viewing pleasure. This is the case with this young girl and those within her life. It no longer becomes the business of the teens, their families, or their high school. It now becomes the world’s business. What was an example of cyberbullying has become a public spectacle of a problem that destroys the lives of young people daily.
Amber Cole was likely persuaded in some way that the only way to win back love is by sex. She may not have known that she was being recorded. Why anyone would record such acts and circulate them is beyond comprehension. Thanks to the young men, this girl’s life has been reduced to child pornography.
Cole is a young woman who may have believed that the only way to prove her love to a young man is to sexually satisfy him even if she doesn’t fully agree with the idea. Likewise, the boys involved with this fiasco most likely believed that women are only good for sexual pleasure and, having sex is like a “right of passage” into the cool club. No matter how you see it, the teens involved have been given fucked-up lessons on how to love and how to be cool and are too young and immature to realize this.
Amber Cole, an unknown who was turned into the talk of the net, desperately needs to learn a new lesson on how to love. She needs help and support, not rejection and condemnation. She must learn about love – true love. If what was reported was true about her not pressing charges, that she loves the boys involved in this whole mess after tweeting how she “(couldn’t) wait to press charges on the three boys tomorrow who were involved in the video,” then it seems she’s looking for attention, any form of male validation will do. Whatever the case may be, the adults involved in this case must do something to help make a positive change, especially for Cole’s sake.
It is more than obvious that the teens involved in both stories need help. The problems they’re facing is not uncommon, and there will be more like them in the future as long as we mishandle their situations. The people in their lives have failed to teach them about love, sex and the perverted world around them that will take advantage of them. What are adults teaching young people about sex and love when they engage in such acts? How can adults teach responsibility to their children when they need a hard lesson in it themselves?
It comes to no surprise that we live in hyper-sexualized times where intercourse is not only celebrated, but advertised, and teen sex is anything but new. Young people today are getting the wrong impressions about love and sex from their homes, environments, and society as a whole. Young men and women become victims of the sicknesses of society who seems to purposely overlook their own faults. The young man from the first story and Amber Cole are examples of a world where sex sells, where sexuality is never defined by love, but by lust, and where certain people of color are still racialized as sub-humans with nothing but sex on their minds. What will become of these young teens will be determined on whether or not adults will step in and guide them so that when today’s youth have kids of their own, they will pass that knowledge onto them.
People can not teach the youth that sex is wrong if you’re still an unmarried teen. They can not teach them that sex is the only way to win the love of someone you have your eye on. Sex is a natural occurrence that brings two people together. Sex doesn’t have to be a hobby or a spectator’s sport. It can be a beautiful thing especially when people genuinely love each other unconditionally within their own world away from prying eyes and activated cameras. I hope one day that these young teens – all young teens will find that love.